The Gift of Failure: A Lesson in Resilience
Everyone hates failure, though it’s a natural and valuable part of growth. From childhood, we’re taught to fear making mistakes because of the disciplinary consequences that follow. Society also conditions us to take failure as a death sentence instead of a learning experience. Not winning means losing and, thus, failure. As a result, our egos take a hit when we don’t succeed at something right away. Many give up instead of persisting.
In Asian cultures like mine, the emphasis on not failing at anything is strong. As a kid, I dreaded the imminent frost that would set on my life if I brought home anything less than stellar report cards. My parents’ glowering looks and scathing comments reduced me to a quivering mess. Even worse, I could forget about television, hanging out with friends, or doing anything fun for the next month.
That fear of failure followed me well into adulthood, causing me to hesitate when taking risks. But as I grew, I realized that avoiding failure meant avoiding opportunity. I had to learn that failure wasn’t something to be feared but embraced as part of the journey. It’s why students (and some parents) develop ulcers during college selection. For many families, acceptance into any but the top-tier universities means failure. This continuous emphasis on “the best” sets impossible standards for our youth, leading to stress and anxiety in adulthood, both in the workplace and in social settings.
As a parent now, I don’t yell or punish when my children show me their grades. Instead, I treat them to ice cream for the good grades they received and their hard work and offer suggestions for improving others. I want to teach them that where you attend college doesn’t define your worth as an individual or predict your future success. It’s about effort, resilience, and learning from setbacks.
The problem with perceiving failure as the end-all is that it prevents us from moving forward and limits our potential. It’s not what’s written about our past mistakes that count, but rather how we overcame our challenges. For many people, failure is the catalyst for building resilience.
Consider all the famous people who faced multiple struggles before achieving their success. Take Oprah Winfrey, for example, who persevered despite a challenging childhood and early career rejection—she’s now one of the world’s most successful and influential people. Or look at Michael Jordan, who didn’t make his high school basketball team but became one of the greatest basketball players ever!
In sum, failure can be seen as feedback on what to do differently. It’s not something to fear but to overcome through perspective and persistence. The key to success lies not in avoiding failure but in how we rise after each fall. Embrace the lessons, stay determined, and you’ll find that failure is not a roadblock but an opportunity for growth on the path to your most significant achievements.
